I was utterly aghast when a few weeks back I came across a LinkedIn post about what to say when you don’t want to attend an event. The author proceeded to offer a few excuses that he thought sounded better than “I don’t want to.” To make matters worse, the community commenting seemed not only to find this agreeable but offered up further nice sounding ruses that one could use to avoid attendance.
When did lying become so pervasive and socially acceptable? We see it every day . . . If it’s not Andy McCabe trying to justify political vengeance, it’s Lori Laughlin paying thousands for someone to lie, so her daughters get admitted to USC for Crew when they’ve never held an oar. A University of Massachusetts study conducted by psychologist Robert S. Feldman published in June 2001, found that 60 percent of people lied at least once during a 10-minute conversation and told an average of two to three lies. And According to HireRight's 2017 employment screening benchmark report, 85 percent of employers caught applicants “fibbing on their resumes or applications”, up from just 66 percent five years earlier (Inc.com).
The fact is, whether in the workplace or life there is No place lying is acceptable. Ever. Lying breaks trust when communication is all about Building trust. It serves the liar and never the listener. And once a liar always a liar. If someone can’t be honest in the little things, they’re certainly not going to have the moral compass when consequences may be even more significant.
Here’s a regimen to exercise your honesty muscles:
Please don’t feel pressured to tell people what you think they want to hear. If you need time before responding to collect your thoughts, say so. Make the distinction between knee jerk reacting and responding with insight.
Be realistic in what you promise. Under commit and over deliver always.
Be aware of and control your emotions. Take a deep breath, go for a walk or do anything that can help you regroup before responding.
Many people lie because they are frankly afraid of telling the truth. Take time to plan your conversations carefully considering possible outcomes for fact telling and how you can best handle them.
“Little white lies” are still lies. Lies are like being dead. There are no degrees.
Apologize when you’re wrong or have screwed up. Man up, accept the results, ask forgiveness, commit to do better and Move On. That’s a trust builder right there.
FEEL the strength of your convictions. When you know who you are and what you value you’ll protect both by honestly “telling your truth” — but always with empathy for the listener.
Ask yourself what you’re trying to achieve and how else you might go about it honestly. For example, if you don’t want to do something, simply say “I can’t.” Never feel compelled to come up with excuses. If pressed, repeat that you can’t and redirect the conversation.
Is lying a regular spontaneous occurrence for you? If so, you may require professional help to understand your motivations better.
Years ago men did business on a handshake. A man’s word Meant something. Well, I have news. Integrity never went out of style for men Or women. What do you want your family and co-workers to say about you? How do you want to be remembered by others? Moreover, I firmly believe in the law of attraction — that good things come to those deserving. All good thought comes back in spades eventually!
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